


love, love and so on

by miehczyslaw



Category: Chainsaw Man (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Polyamory, metaphors like woah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29095152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miehczyslaw/pseuds/miehczyslaw
Summary: One last promise. One last wound that’s always hungry.Do not die.Do not die.
Relationships: Denji/Hayakawa Aki/Power
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	love, love and so on

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deirdreh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deirdreh/gifts).



**001**

His heart is a nest of crows.

**002**

Before, long before the red snow and the splintered wood and the empty cartridges and the “Any other relatives you can go with, Hayakawa?” all like a needle under the skin— irritating and oh as painful as his subsequent blunt, “No”— Aki guesses his heart was half-melted water, easy to mold to fit three people into it, two adults and another child, despite its small size. He doesn’t remember. It is somewhat irrelevant, in fact. Frankly, he’s no longer interested about that. Except—

**003**

“Hey. Hey, hey Aki. Akiiiii. Your face is stupid, you know.”

“Thank you. _You_ are stupid.”

“Ha! It takes _one fool_ to recognize another. Anyway, can I kiss your stupid face?”

“That’s not even— wait a minute, do you want what.”

“Your face. I want to kiss it. May l?”

“My... my face. Even though you called it stupid twenty seconds ago. Do you want to kiss it—?”

“Bah, I said it’s stupid, not ugly! And why not? I’m bored, and you’re hot, and I’m hot, too. It’s _an honor_ to be kissed _by me_. Don’t think you can manipulate me to give you more compliments, my IQ is higher than yours I won’t fall for your tricks so easily.”

“I’m not— and what does that have to do with— I swear you’re so—”

“Hm-hm. Can I kiss you then?”

“Power.”

“Aki.”

“... Forget it! Okay. You can— _okay_.”

“Okay. Can I sit on top of you?”

“Yes.”

“Of course. Uhm. Maybe... just maybe... I’ve never done this before. Don’t you dare to mock me, or I’ll kill you.”

“Do I look like someone who would mock anyone for this?”

“You don’t look like anything except irritated and that’s normal, but you’re a human _and humans are cruel_.”

“Power. I’m not going to make fun of you.”

“... Good. I mean, you better not.”

“I’m serious.”

“Ugh, just— I’m going to kiss you now, alright?”

“Anytime.”

“And you will tell me what you like to repeat it. And what not to avoid it.”

“Okay”.

“Is that a smile, Aki? I knew it! You’re making fun of me! You’re forcing me to kill you after all! I’ll have to ask Denji for help to hide your body. And for an alibi. You all are so—!”

“ _I am not laughing at you_. I’m... this is... happiness. _I’m happy_. Shut up already Power.”

“Oh. Happy, right. I am too. Happy. I think. You shut me up.”

“What is supposed— Mpfff.”

**004**

Here’s the thing: Aki isn’t a good liar. Not with the things that really matter. And that’s why most of the time he simply prefers to remain silent, rather than deign to show to the world the wounds that float just a bit behind his indifferent puddle eyes, almost evaporated, never seared.

(Anger is easy to hide, pain not so much.)

And on his chest lies a nest of crows.

Black peaks that systematically rip chunks out of him, like Fox Devil used to do, but without shedding a drop of blood or tearing muscle unlike it. Gunpowder squawks flying between veins and arteries, sleeping music. A few feathers that saw down his throat from within with each breath.

It’s a problem, in the sense that it doesn’t hurt. _Not immediately_. It’s a problem, in the sense that it does not concern him as much as it should. Years too many are a long-term sentence, years too little are almost pity. It’s a problem, in the sense that Aki has nothing left to lose and he still loses.

**005**

(And loneliness is just another way to die, if a little slower, no less excruciating.)

Except—

**006**

“Aki! How dare you to betray me!”

“What betrayal? Get off of the table, you idiot, you’re going to break it.”

“I’m establishing dominance, duh! And you are being evasive! I trusted you. Or, well, I hate that I started to trust you, but kept doing it anyway. Because it’s convenient. Sometimes.”

“Good for you, I never asked for your trust. Get off of the table or the only dominance you will establish will be your neck split in two.”

“It’s that a promise?”

“If it’s a— it’s an observation. Get off now. You look like a cat.”

“Ew.”

“ _‘Ew.’_ Wait for Power to hear your opinion on being compared to a cat. Are you going to get off of the table now?”

“No.”

“Denji—”

“Power! Right. Powy mentioned that you kissed her the other day. And no puking was involved, _it’s not fair_.”

“She kissed me. And we weren’t drunk to begin with. Can you—”

“How come your first kiss didn’t taste like puke but mine did?”

“... It wasn’t my first kiss.”

“Ooooh, any hearts you’ve broken that we don’t know about, Aki? It couldn’t have been Makima-san, her taste in men isn’t horrible. Wait, was it Makima-san? Makima-san gave you your first tongue kiss with no puke? I swear—!”

“It wasn’t Makima. God Denji. What is your _problem_?”

“Uh. Probably a traumatic life, I don’t know. Don’t change the subject.”

“What subject? What the hell is this about? Are you jealous or something _? For the last time_ , get off of the table.”

“You kissed Power! And maybe it was not yours after all but it was her first kiss! And in exchange for nothing!”

“Power asked me!”

“But I had to make a deal with her that almost killed me after meeting her so that she would let me touch her breasts! And when we showered naked she was vulnerable and I couldn’t enjoy it because her stress stressed me!”

“Jesus. I didn’t need to know that.”

“My bedroom floor is full of porn.”

“I didn’t need to know that _either_.”

“Don’t be so boring. You kissed Powy, asshole.”

“Yeah, and I’m starting to regret it.”

“... Really? Are you implying that Power sucks at kissing?”

“No. I just— _no_ , to both. If this irritates you so much go ask her to kiss you to restore the balance of things. Anything else, or did you only needed to yell at me unnecessarily to defend Power’s honor on top of a table?”

“I’ll do that! Don’t you dare to think not! But now that you mention it. About balance and shit.”

“Spit it out already.”

“Does that get you off? Being spitted on.”

“ _What the hell Denji_.”

“What. I’m not going to judge you. There are weirder things to get horny about.”

“I’m not going— is there any point to this?”

“Yeah, duh. Maybe I should kiss you as well. And then Powy. You know, to restore the balance of things.”

“... For the balance of things. Sure.”

“Uh-uh. I mean, girls are beautiful. Especially those with large breasts. Power’s breasts are small and soft but they’re not too bad, you know? They have consistency. And then there’s you, and you’re a boy, obviously, and tougher than a brick— but there are also less encouraging options. Like Angel. Fuck Angel. He looks like a girl and he’s not one, who the hell does that? Only liars. You are more honest. Power trusts you. _I_ trust you, sometimes. At least you wouldn’t throw up in my mouth. Although you sure end up tasting like nicotine. Ugh. Anyway, I could get used to nicotine, I guess. It’s less bad for me than chupa-chups, at last.”

“If I kiss you and then pick up Power from the office, do you promise to get off of the table?”

“That’s manipulation Mr. Hayakawa.”

“...Is it working?”

“Of fucking course it is.”

**007**

What no one knows: Himeno’s shadow is always right there wherever Aki goes, in every corner, surrounded by smoke and flowers and with that smile of hers, as if sadness ripped her apart from inside, her teeth so white, undissolved aspirin, always chanting— “live, live, it’s the only thing I’ve asked of you, don’t you dare disappoint me”— and there’s meowing in the kitchen and barking in the living room, too.

And if Aki opens the door to his apartment there are people on the other side— _people who wait for his return_ every day, whether it’s just to insult his personality or prepare horrible food for him or stick their tongue down his throat— and there aren’t any gunshots screaming in miles and Aki _can pretend, not quite_ —

**008**

It’s hard. To pretend.

That death does not terrify him, not exactly, but the absence of life does.

(because snow has always been too quiet—)

(and Denji and Power never shut their mouths—)

(it’s almost _a relief_.)

It soon becomes a problem too, however.

A problem like no other, and this Aki does not intend to ignore, does not dare to even consider _the possibility_ — in the sense that a bullet cannot go through anything unless there’s a body and Aki has always been willing that that body would be his. But now there are not one but two more by his side and they are so close that Aki can trace their silhouettes in the dark by memory like the mouth of a cigarette inside his lips.

Do not die.

Do not die.

(But promises are nothing but a bone halfway to breaking, Himeno.)

**009**

“Aki!”

“Power.”

“Denji.”

“... You didn’t have to say your own name.”

“ _Eh_. You said each other’s. Balance.”

“It doesn’t matter, Denji! This is important. You! You should sleep with us starting today.”

“Uhm.”

“Powy, stupid, you broke him!”

“I didn’t do such a thing. Aki, tell him you’re still in all your pieces. No, forget it. What’s your answer?”

“To sleep. _With both of you_.”

“Mmm-mmm. Power is practically on top of me every night, so another one fits in the bed. Unless you snore. Then I’ll kick you.”

“You’re talking about— oh. I’d rather not deal with you more than I have to but alright.”

“What’s with that relieved face, uh.”

“Powaaaaaaaaa, Aki was thinking dirty things.”

“I was not!”

“Oh oh! He absolutely was, Denji! You humans are very greedy about sex, aren’t you?”

“Ugh. I’m— is the only thing Denji talks about anyway, what did you expect.”

“Don’t lie, jerk. I also talk about Pochita.”

“I don’t care.”

“Is that another lie?”

“... Maybe.”

“EJEM. Not that it matters, but since we’ve clarified this, we are also not opposed to sleeping with you Like That.”

“... _Like That_.”

“Uh-uh. The three of us.”

“Naked, yep.”

“It would be funny.”

“... Thanks for the suggestion, Power, Denji. I’ll consider it.”

“You’re welcome! Are you coming to bed already? I am willing to lend you my favorite sheet, only for today.”

“That sheet _was mine_.”

“Shhh! How dare you to expose me.”

“Sure. Give me a few minutes.”

“Oh. Great! We’ll wait for you there.”

**010**

Suddenly it’s not just him and an empty revenge. Suddenly the blood begins to fill each space and overflows, flooding everything and a bit more, never having enough. But it’s warm, this blood, and it doesn’t drown him. No, he never drowns in it. It’s loud and rude and vulgar and irritating and familiar and cocky and perhaps Aki would be more disturbed seeing it imprint the snow in red like the ghost of a lover’s lipstick, but it’s not cold neither (the blood takes care of that.)

It’s not cold and there’s blood and this is not death’s synonymous, for once.

It’s Denji’s knife-smile, too bright, and Power’s gaze narrowed in fun, seasonal strawberry ready to be picked. Two pairs of hands touching every available corner of his skin— innocent, desperate, almost tender— just clinging to him with their claws, not tearing a single muscle. Laughter that leaves bruises. Kisses with more teeth than lips. The occasional swearwords. An even more dangerous word that’s camouflaged in the silence. Forthright home-run, zero strikes.

And underneath it all this ticking clock that doesn’t even trip, that doesn’t plan to be late.

THE FUTURE IS BEST. THE FUTURE IS BEST, the demons howl as the present dies and the past rots away. And Aki thinks right away, no. Just to reconsider a second later, or maybe yes.

Because promises are a bone halfway to breaking, Aki knows this. Because promises are voluntarily giving all your bullets to the gun in front of you and her thanking you by loading the trigger, and yet. And yet.

The dead cannot bleed.

The future is the best.

Does he dare to doubt it, after all?

 _Those two are the future._ My _future_.

One last promise. One last wound that’s always hungry.

Do not die.

Do not die.

(Aki takes another drag on his cigarette— meowing and barking everywhere, bouncing inside each rib of his, almost like a heartbeat.)

**000**

And the water melts.


End file.
